November 2010

November 23rd, 2010

Life





Ah life. Sometimes I do wonder about you. Before we had children we had not a care in the world. We were free spirits. And now here I find myself working every day sometimes dreaming of being at home writing. And every day the wish gets stronger and stronger and it’s only a few weeks until I finish work and I get my wish.

Last night I dreamt Kevin and I bought a house. In fact two houses. The first was a wild windswept place in the middle of nowhere on the edge of a cliff. It had the most incredible views of an island and the ocean and was difficult to get to and very wild with high winds whipping around the coastal grasses along the cliff.

The second house we bought, it was on a magical New Zealand coastline, one I’ve dreamt of before. It was right on the sand but had solid foundations and was built half on top of a Marks and Spencer but it did look like it only had ten years left in it. The two downstairs rooms were beautiful victorian period rooms which had fire damage and the rest of the house was very beachy New Zealand. Anyway, we bought it for $200,000 which was half of our money (in the dream!) – the other half had gone on the other house. We did the contract which I didn’t even look at before we handed it over and Kevin hadn’t done the bit about getting a building report or it being dependent on finance. So we had no out clause! And he’d written our occupations down – him as Creative Director at an ad agency and I was a sailor.

I remember the owner saying they were home and hosed, can’t go wrong with an old school CD. We on the other hand had just bought a house with the most beautiful views, a small grassy patch for the kids and cats to run around on – but most importantly a huge, entire sandy paradise beach that was just beyond words, with wonderful dawns to wake up to, days of long gentle walks and swims and evenings watching the pinks and oranges on the gentle sea. And one that was going to collapse, but not before we’d had an amazing ten years in it. And on top of that we’d also bought the remote cliff house. Again with beautiful views. Wild and lonesome.

So there we go. That’s what we’re doing. Heading into the unknown. Taking a leap off the wild cliff, onto a paradise beach in a shaky house. Who knows what wonders await in that beautiful place.

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November 16th, 2010

Leaving home – the short version



When I was about four I remember packing the chillibin with some yoghurt and grapefruit and when mum asked what I was doing I said I was leaving home.

When I was eleven the day I got my period and mum had to come and get me from school because I was ill and terrified and a total mess she chased me down the stairs with the wooden spoon telling me she wished she’d never had me.

When I was nineteen mum in the midst of an argument said it was high time I left home because she was sick and tired of me and my shittiness. Come on Charlotte why can’t you just leave? I didn’t leave for another six years. Sorry mum.

Two Sundays ago Kevin and I had a big row and I had had enough of big rows so I called Polly and she said call Zoe so Zoe came and got us and we grabbed a few things and put warm clothes on the girls and she took us to her house. It was about eight o’clock on a Sunday night.

Two weeks on we are back at home. We’ve been back a week and what wonder and relief it is to be back here. Not only that but to have shed whatever it was that needed shedding. A huge weight has gone. A lightness has entered. It’s as though something has left the house. Something heavy and dark. And in my time away I’ve realised that heavy and dark thing wasn’t Kevin but it was a part of me.

Something that is slowly beginning to unravel. Something that will take time to explore.
Things that need to be appreciated and not cast aside.

Time to slowly begin to cherish life and family.
Time to pull the family close and breathe it all in.
And give thanks and love for what we have.

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