A rolling stone…

I’ve been thinking a lot these past few, er, years. But a lot in the past month about the state of my life and where I am and what I want to be doing. And when we last left New Zealand I had an amazing creative job in advertising but I wanted to be with the children more. And we moved to the UK and I had an amazing job being a User Experience Designer in advertising and earnt a lot of money. But every day I would stare out the window thinking I wanted to be taking my girls to school. Thinking I wanted to be at home taking photographs and writing and teaching the girls things I know.

Since the end of Summer I’ve been working part time, but I have found myself totally unable to concentrate. I spend my days thinking about photography and watching as the children go beserk with yet more new childcare arrangements. So we decided that was that, the time had come for me to be a mother and a writer-photographer and to pursue my dreams.

There were some hard choices to be made because that meant my income was out of the picture. Which means no more London house by Hampstead Heath and no more school fees. I couldn’t do it the first time, but when we went up to Daylesford in mid-term the voice in my head was so loud telling me this is the place, that I knew I had to go through a small amount of pain, giving up what we have, to follow my heart, to follow my instincts and to listen to the voice. Without Kevin believing in me I’m not sure I would have come this far, but every time I’ve panicked and thought I need to go back to work he has said we will manage and I need to do my project.

I have been perpetually dissatisfied with everything for a long time. And I have re-discovered positive thinking. I’d become a cold hard ad-land cynic. The magic in my mind went a long time ago and I’m cultivating it back into existence. It’s amazing rediscovering the beauty of my mind, rediscovering the joy in small things, in a moment passing, in a smile, in the twinkle of a child’s eye.

This isn’t an easy task, sweeping out the cobwebs in the dark corners, forcing the light to shine in, but I’m doing it. There really is no other option any more. Focusing on the girls is also a huge change for me. Having had nannies and au pairs for the past three years I realise now how much we have all missed out on. I feel so lucky I can be with them now for all of our sakes. Nothing is more important than raising them properly and passing my knowledge on to them.

And now I have my own big idea, and my own master plan, every morning and every evening I read it out loud and help bring it into existence. This gorgeous project I’m working on, that I am devoting myself to entirely. It’s a labour of absolute love and every moment I’m immersed in it I am fulfilled. Writing, researching, planning. The photography will begin in February and I’ll be able to tell you more about it around Easter.

In the meantime we are packing. And preparing for a very modest, but a happy and contented Christmas.

Ah, and the rolling stone thing. I was thinking about that today, a rolling stone gathers no moss. A rolling stone gathers knowledge and experience and many friends, but lacks stability, community and the growth and deepening of relationships that comes from staying put. But I am me and me stays put in me wherever I am. My blog isn’t moving! I think one of my life’s purposes is to plant a lot of gardens around the world โ€“ I’m making a garden grid. Every different home we’ve had we’ve planted lovely gardens. Many of the fruit trees are maturing now and bearing fruit. We are planting an orchard at the new house. I am so excited about the garden there, but that’s another story altogether.






14 responses to “A rolling stone…”

  1. Yvonne @ Yvestown avatar

    Good for you Charlotte. I know for sure that this will be a positive move onwards for all of you. The cottage is beautiful, go for that all white and clean look like at Daylesford – bring Daylesford at home!! I will see you there in the new year x

    1. Charlotte avatar

      You are very right – I want to have Daylesford at home ๐Ÿ™‚ I will put a big white throw on the red velvet sofa – at least it’s the right shape. I need new plates and new cushions.

  2. erin avatar

    i am so happy for you. it’s a wonderful thing, following your dream. xo.

  3. Pauline avatar

    Lovely written. Right from your heart. It is so good to follow your dream and live that life.
    I wish you lots of luck and happiness.I love the pictures of the cottage.

  4. flagonsatchel avatar

    An absolutely beautiful read- your cottage is my dream! Very lucky to be moving into a freshly done-up, period rental- past experience has taught they’re few and far between! Chloe x

  5. Barbara avatar

    just to wish you all the very best now and next year …
    the cottage looks adorable!

    1. Charlotte avatar

      Thanks Barbara – we are looking forward to arriving!!

  6. Alexandra avatar

    This cottage looks like THE perfect cottage. it’s awesome! sigh ;). whishing you all the best with your new plans. photography, writing… i’m sure you will go your way!

    1. Charlotte avatar

      Ah, thank you Alexandra โ€“ย I am very much looking forward to the freedom to spend some time being creative ๐Ÿ™‚

  7. Katrin avatar

    I can relate so much to what you have written. Thank you for being an inspiration. The cottage looks like a dream. Merry Christmas!

  8. Raina avatar

    You have no idea how those words resonate right now! I no longer contend with young children, but I have a job I work I work at 12 to 15 hours a day, often seven days a week and many times during vacation. I travel constantly and my life is about getting over jet-lag…is it really worth it? I will be following your new adventures avidly and living vicariously through you for a while until I have the courage to make my own ‘big decision’ one day ๐Ÿ™‚

    Wishing you a wonderful Christmas season and many blessings and happiness in 2013.


  9. Bornali Shade avatar

    I’m a bit late in responding but this post really resonates with me. I left a hectic, full-on, full-time, senior job in advertising a year or two ago to spend more time with my daughter and focus on some creative dreams. Like yours, my husband was and is fully supportive (and has admitted his life is now a lot easier and less stressful as a result of the decision). Truly, it’s been a wonderful adventure! I hope you enjoy this new phase in your life as much as I am ๐Ÿ™‚

  10. Lottie :: Oyster & Pearl avatar

    Just found your beautiful blog – hello! Probably not my place at all to say this but my parents were absent a lot of my childhood. We made do with nannies and au pairs (13 in 10 years!) but it wasn’t the same. You’re doing a wonderful thing.

    1. Charlotte avatar

      Hi Lottie, thanks for your comment – it’s hard leaving the ‘perfect’ life behind, but yes, I must remember why we did this. It’s great being with the girls – finally learning how to be a parent instead of being at work all the time.

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